


Lapidot Angst Week 2018

by Eightpoundsofhair



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Cannon Divergence, Corruption, F/F, Guilt, Hallucinations, Heartbreak, Rain, Yikes, breakdown - Freeform, miraculously no human au, or at least a wholehearted attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-11 11:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15314790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eightpoundsofhair/pseuds/Eightpoundsofhair
Summary: A compilation of lapidot angst for lapidot angst week!The prompts are:Day one- guiltDay two- corruptionDay three- heartbrokenDay four- freeDay five- breakdownDay six- hallucinationsDay seven- rain





	1. Day One- Grief

Things were not the same. Lapis wasn’t sure why she had expected them to be. It was a foolish thought, but invariably the one that had brought her home. Maybe that counted for something. It probably didn’t.

Lapis had expected her return to the Earth to be a happy occasion. The happiest moment of her life. Peridot would run to her, they would embrace and fight for their home together. Once and for all they would be reunited in the way that Lapis had dreamed about since she’d left. A happy needed hug and a shared since of comfort. Lapis was home. The very thought had lit her up, a feeling only ever experienced before when she had been physically with Peridot. The thought was even more exciting when she had finally started rushing back to the little planet, the barn held in her sturdy grip floating just behind of her.

They would take Steven’s advice. Move the barn onto the beach and spend their days with the crystal gems. They’d retire to the barn at night, creating meep morps and cuddling in the hammock. Pumpkin would run between their feat, barking happily and bringing smiles to the two gems’ faces.

Lapis could finally tell Peridot how much she meant to her and Peridot would return the favor. Their confessions would be long overdue, but perfect nonetheless.

They would spend all their time together, happy and free. Sharing their days in the very barn where they had built a relationship from nothing.

The barn being destroyed in the fight was a hamper in Lapis’s plan, but not the end of it. They could rebuild the barn. Make it bigger and better. It would be a good thing in the long run. Her and Peridot’s relationship would grow as they started fresh, the painful memories of Lapis’s leaving gone with the old barn. They would learn to trust each other again. More than they had in the past. No more secrets and no more fears.

They would depend on each other. Love each other.

Lapis’s apology would fix Peridot’s heartache and Lapis would finally allow herself to smile without checking her back to see where the next danger was coming from. They would fix themselves with the help of the other. They would become an unstoppable team bonded by a connection so strong it was almost as if they were fused. Maybe one day Lapis would actually let Peridot fuse with her for real.

Life was supposed to go back to how it had been before Lapis had made the horrible mistake of leaving. The only difference this time around would be how much better their relationship would be now that she would promise to never leave Peridot again. How much better life would be now that Lapis allowed herself to trust in the world around her. Life was going to be so much better after the diamonds would be gone and Lapis would have finally have told Peridot how much she loved her.

But none of that happened.

Lapis sat on the beach, wet sand getting uncomfortably stuck between her toes and the surf running over the fabric of her skirt making it soggy. The ocean was a harsh reminder of all the things that she had done wrong on this planet. Being forced back as an informant only to land on this very beach, angry and bitter, fusing with jasper for months and forcing her to the depths of this very sea, further sending her mind into a black hole, and, more loudly running through her thoughts than all of her other mistakes, leaving Peridot alone with nowhere to go but the house that lay in the sand behind her.

Lapis had watched Peridot with that cursed orb on the moon grieve here, on this very beach where she herself now sat, more times than she could bear. The little green gem’s eyes would stare out into the ocean deep in thought while the rest of the crystal gems watched from a far, unsure of what to say or how to say it. While Lapis watched from even farther, hating herself for doing this to Peridot. Doing this to herself.

She had been selfish. She was selfish for sacrificing Peridot’s happiness for her own half hearted attempt at safety. She was selfish for not thinking about how Peridot would feel. What Peridot would want. She was even more selfish as she sat watching on the moon, getting jealous in the few moments when Peridot mustered any sense of happiness. Selfish for feeling frustrated when she realized she no longer had the green gem as a comfort. Selfish for missing the very thing she had destroyed herself without a second thought.

When she saw the two ships of the diamonds approaching from afar, working their way towards the blue and green planet, she found a wholly unexpected bubble of emotion. The fear she had expected, anticipated, at seeing the two ships she knew contained the diamonds themselves lasted for only a split moment. What overcame that fear almost instantly was the same voice that had brought her crawling back to the moon mere days after fleeing it once more.

The words Peridot has said to her before she had fled like a coward had bounced across her mind. She let herself listen to the words, her heart aching as she heard the gem she loved’s voice bounce across the forefront of her mind. _I can win_ Lapis told herself, repeating Peridot’s voice, and she flew as fast as she could back, barn in her grip. She had thought that that would be enough.

She had fought alongside Peridot. For Peridot. Maybe as an apology, maybe as a newfound declaration of strength.

Either way she had thought it would be enough. She had proved herself right? She came back. She came home. Ran back to Earth when she saw those ships which had struck so much fear into her heart passing her at a remarkable speed.

She had thought it would fix things.

When she had reformed, after spending days arguing with herself about whether she should add a star to her look yet, she had expected a happy reunion and then things to be back to the way they had been. And when she finally did reform and was immediately placed eye to eye in front of Peridot she was sure of it. The green gem had been waiting for her.

Peridot’s eyes darted downward after her reforming, to the star that looped the length of her waist on the skirt in place of where her diamond had lay. Her mouth tightened as she looked, spreading into a thin line.

Lapis herself took the moment to look at Peridot’s new form. A large yellow star sat proudly on her chest. Lapis smiled, it suited her.

Before Lapis could further look at Peridot the gem in question blushed heavily, and turned on her heels. She ran outside to the beach without a word and Lapis watched through the window, dumbfounded, as Peridot sat herself down on the same rock she always did to stare into the sea.

Before Lapis could even take a step toward the door to follow Garnet told her to stop.

“Give her time,” she had said, voice cold and defensive.

Lapis looked into the fusion’s face before turning back to Peridot. She sat down where she stood onto the floor of the beach house with a heavy hurt in her chest.

**

Lapis and Peridot did not speak for days. They danced around each other, taking turns approaching the other only for one of them to run away in a fit of emotion. Usually that someone was Peridot, and usually she would run outside to sit on her rock leaving Lapis to her own self loathing.

Lapis was constantly reminded of her stupidity. Why had she thought things would go back to how they were? Why would she think she deserved Peridot’s trust again after fleeing like a coward and leaving Peridot on her own?

She spent most of her time thinking back to that moment, looking down into Peridot’s hurt face as she flew away with their home.

It was like she had never left the damn moon at all.

Lapis wanted to isolate herself again, she deserved no friendship and no emotional relief. Not after the way she had hurt Peridot enough for her to be stunned into silence. Not after she had expected things to be the same in such a foolish, selfish manner.

But she feared more than ever of hurting Peridot further. So she stayed in the beach house, avoiding the drama of dealing with the diamonds to instead watch Peridot from afar, longing to properly apologize to her but not sure how to do so.

Steven was doing his best to cheer the two when he was not busy with the diamonds. Separately of course, making Peridot laugh on the beach and trying his best to give Lapis any form of amusement inside the house.

Lapis appreciated the gesture but found it only made her all the worse. She should be talking to Peridot, apologizing and fixing this herself. It was not Steven’s job to fix the mess she had made. It was not Steven’s job to repair the emotional damage she had caused.

Lapis tried to talk to Peridot again. She had lost track of how long it had been since either of them had made any attempt to speak to the other and Lapis found herself shaking from nervousness as she walked outside. The steps creaked loudly under her first step, and Peridot turned to look back at her. They caught each other’s eyes for the first time in a very long while. Lapis froze, unable to move until Peridot turned back around, pushing around sand with her toes.

Before Lapis could reach Peridot’s spot on the beach she found herself sitting in the sand at the edge of the water. Digging her toes into the sand and letting the cold ocean water rush over her skirt. The spot she had been reflecting back on the past few weeks in for a long while now.

Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest she realized as she snapped herself out of her daze. The space was so tense between them, Lapis felt like she could choke on the air, and she might as well had had she needed to breathe. She pushed some sand off of her feet, heart aching painfully.

Lapis took a deep breath, raising her eyes from her shaky hands to stare out into the ocean herself. The waves rolled lazily over one another, too peaceful and calm for how incredibly anxious Lapis was feeling.

Her mind was rushing, overflowing, with negative thoughts. She had hurt Peridot. She had thought simply coming home would fix everything. She was the idiot who couldn’t even get out an apology to the gem she had hurt despite how much she cared for her.

She wanted to shatter herself in that moment. Instead she forced herself to open her mouth. Peridot at least deserved Lapis's attempt.

In a chocked breath she let out a weak apology.

“I’m so sorry,” she muttered into the ocean, hoping Peridot was listening.

Apparently she was, because after a few moments of tense silence she got a chocked sob in return.

Lapis’s eyes widened at the sound, and she quickly turned her head to look at the small green gem. She had folded in on herself, bringing her face into her knees to cry.

Lapis wanted to run. She couldn’t take this anymore. She couldn’t sit here and watch the disaster she had created. Peridot didn’t deserve to go through the pain of having be around Lapis. Lapis didn’t deserve the beauty of getting to be around Peridot.

Lapis hopped to her feet, wings emerging, and she was ready to fly away again. Find somewhere, some how to finally shatter herself.

Before she could get a step in though Steven had grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly with a somber smile on his face.

“C’mon,” he said softly, voice almost lost to the constant sound of the crashing waves, “You two have a lot to talk about,”

Lapis looked up into the sky, to the softly glowing moon, before letting Steven lead her over to the softly crying gem.


	2. Day Two- Corruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place in an au where Lapis was not trapped in the mirror and did not make it to Homeworld before the events of The Return and Jailbreak

Peridot had struggled to come to terms with her newfound affiliation. It was exciting and exhilarating. She had yelled at Yellow Diamond! Called her a clod! To her face! She was a rebel! A crystal gem! Yet on the other hand it was terrifying and unsettling. She had yelled at Yellow Diamond. Called her a clod. To her face. She was a rebel. A crystal gem.

 

It could be said she had mixed emotions. That’s what Garnet told her as they sat aside one another. That’s what Steven had laughed and said when he watched her range through these new emotions for the tenth time in the span of as many minutes.

 

After a few days she had fallen into a reluctant calm. She had bigger things to focus on. Namely the drill and the cluster and the impending doom she would soon be facing. She had no time to worry about emotions. She had to do what she did best. Work.

 

And work she did. She shoved off the problem of working out her feelings until the drill was done and the cluster gone.

 

Then she had time to think.Too much time to think. She had decided to stay in the barn, live in it while she rebuilt it and worked on side projects.

 

But as the work was not dire and no Agates or Jaspers were barking orders at her with the threat of destabilizes she found herself working slower. Spending her time thinking.

 

She disliked this. The emptiness of the barn and quiet of the country side often caught up to her in the midst of thinking. She couldn’t help but wish that she could have someone to share be space with. Then it would feel so empty. Wouldn’t be so silent.

 

Peridot learned that thinking and wishing was giving her ideas. Maybe she could move back into Steven’s bathroom. However, the bathroom was small and cramped, and Steven often made her exit it to ‘freshen up’. She decided this option was out. Maybe she could invite Amethyst to stay in the barn with her. However, Amethyst lived in the temple. And while she was entertaining she was often unpredictable and loud. Peridot needed time to focus on her work. Amethyst wouldbe an ever present destruction from that work. With a frustrated sigh she decided that that idea was also out of the question.

 

She put down the project she was working on, in the middle of her thinking she had stoped making progress and now that she had begun thinking of ideas to end the uncomfortable silence of the empty country side she needed to focus until she found a perfect solution.

 

It took nearly all day and a few temper tantrums but eventually Peridot came to an idea she was happy with. In her thinking she recalled the day she had arrived in the temple. When Steven had freed her from that miserable bubble.

 

There had been countless gems in there. And while Peridot did not know any of them personally she knew enough about each gem type to choose a respectable roommate. A gem that was quiet yet would be around to fill the empty space.

 

She devised a plan, and she ran on all fours to the warp pad. When she arrived inside the beach house she was met with a happy and eager audience. Steven ran over to give her a large hug which she half heartedly returned.

 

She spent the day antsy, waiting for the gems to leave so she could sneak into the temple and choose a roommate. Steven told her stories and watched an episode of Camp Pining Hearts with her. Amethyst cracked jokes and followed Peridot around while shapeshifting to look like her. It was exhausting.

 

When the gems finally did retire into the temple and Steven to his bed for the night Peridot pretended to go back to the barn. Warping there and waiting exactly three minutes before warping back.

 

When she arrived back in the beach house she scurried to the temple door as quietly as she could. It opened for her when she presented her gem, and she darted in quickly. The door shut behind her and Peridot scurried quickly to hide behind a pole, fearing one of the gems would come out to catch her.

 

She waited there for another three minutes, counting the seconds in her head while she watched with wide eyes her surroundings. When the time was up however she did her best to scurry up the pole she was hiding behind, seeing it was the only way she could reach any of the gems.

 

She reached a divot in the pole, a place where it flattened and was dented enough for her to sit on it properly. It was also conveniently located near the top of the room where the gems floated peacefully in their bubbles.

 

Peridot smirked to herself, letting out an excited little giggle. Not only would she be getting a roommate out of this, but she would be releasing some other poor gem.

 

She looked at the gems around her, and began analyzing who to pick.

 

The first gem she spotted was an agate, and she shook her head and crinkled her nose in distaste. These gems were bossy, and in prior times of Peridot’s life her superiors. She always had a certain distaste for them and the way they barked her around and she quickly moved onto the next gem.

 

This one was an amethyst. Peridot again moved on, thinking it would be rude to choose any amethyst over the one she knew. Besides, all amethysts acted the way her amethyst did from Peridot’s experience.

 

The next gem was a pearl, again quickly ruled out and moved on from for a number of reason. A group of quartz followed. Too loud and sometimes bossy. And aquamarine. Too uptight. Peridot spent hours analyzing the gems, and began to feel as if she would never find a suitable roommate.

 

However, before she could give up she spotted a lapis lazuli gem. Peridot smirked to herself. Lapis lazulis were quiet gems whose rarity caused them to prefer to spend time alone. They were also remarkably strong, which could be useful in regards to a potential fight.

 

With her mind being made up Peridot leaned precariously over the edge of the pole, and held the bubble softly in her grip. Carefully she slid down the pole and ran out of he temple once again, warping back to the barn as soon as she exited.

 

At the barn the silent nature of the night had taken hold. Stars shine brightly overhead and the grass stirred only as Peridot passed through it. Crickets sing softly, so softly they could hardly be heard, and the light of the moon dimly glowed. Peridot stepped inside he barn, her footsteps the only proper sound around her.

 

She smiled to herself, the world wouldn’t be this empty any longer, and popped the bubble with her hands.

 

Before the teardrop shaped gem could even begin to fall it began to glow and a form began to take hold.

 

Peridot steppes back as she watched the gem cycle through her previous forms. A barebones outline to a long flowing skirt toa much shorter skirt. Peridot held her breath as she waited for the gem to emerge in front of her.

 

However, the gem she was expecting never came out. Instead, just as the form of a gem began to take hold she started to drip. When she landed to the ground she fell quickly to her knees, a cerulean puddle quickly forming at her knees.

 

Peridot took another step backwards, unsure of what to say. In all of her time as a kindergartener and technician she had never seen or even heard of anything like this.

 

The gem lifted her head, and Peridot realized as she did so that she had no distinguishable facial features. Two reflective circles stretched the entire length of her face, possibly acting as eyes.

 

Peridot watched herself in those circles as the dripping gem began to approach her. Peridot felt the ground rumble beneath her.

 

The gem lifted one of her arms above her head, her fingers quickly melting into puddles as she moved. When she slammed down the remaining part of her hand onto the barn’s wooden floors the world shook, and Peridot only registered to jump to the left as a giant water hand fell down beside her.

 

The roof and walls of the barn shattered under the force of the water, and as the gem that sat on her knees before Peridot raised her arm again, water arm echoing her movements, Peridot ran out of the barn.

 

She hardly had time to register what was happening as the crystal gems ran past her.

 

In a mere matter of moments they returned, the blue gem once again inside of a bubble. The gems walked over to her, frowns on their faces.

 

Peridot heard Pearl whisper, “I knew we shouldn’t have trusted her on her own,” as they approached.

 

When the gems stopped in front of her Garnet was the one to speak.

 

“Peridot this was very irresponsible and dangerous of you. You could have seriously hurt someone,”

 

With that they left, warping away. Peridot was left with a broken barn and a blue puddle.

 

Steven arrived the next day, asking her what had happened.

 

When she told him he gave her an odd look, deep in thought. He told her to wait there and with that he ran off leaving Peridot in the silence one more.

 

When he had returned he was holding the bubble with the blue gem in his hands. Peridot jumped to her feet.

 

“What are you doing with that thing?” She squealed, watching in horror as he popped the bubble.

 

When the lapis fell to the floor, melting as she had before, Steven rushed over, spiting into his hands. When he reached the gem in question he stuck out his hand, placing the saliva directly onto her head.

 

In a moments time things slowly changed. The gem squealed, but glowed softly as a more distinguishable face took hold.

 

The gem was able to get to her feet, and walk on shaky legs to Steven.

 

“You helped me?” She muttered out in a shaky breath, her voice wavering and sounding oddly distorted.

 

Steven smiled bashfully, “It was her idea,”

 

With that the gem spun, and Peridot was able to take a look at her new form.

 

She now had a face, her large eyes were still two reflective panels but her nose and mouth has also taken form. She was slender and a soft blue, her hair a darker shade.

 

Peridot noticed as she approached her limbs were still dripping, although to a much lesser extent, and she left a wet blue foot print on the ground with each step.

 

The gem tripped over her feet and fell onto Peridot as she approached. Peridot tried to help sturdy her, noticing with a frown the liquid that got onto her.

 

**

 

With the help of Steven they convinced the gem to stay in the barn with Peridot. She had expressed a want to go back to Homeworld, but shared that she had been thought of as a traitor and left behind during the war.

 

They fell into an awkward sort of peace at first. Lapis did not seem all the pleased to be sharing the barn and was uncomfortable with her half corrupted form. Peridot was nervous and worried the crystal gems would poof the poor half corrupted gem.

 

Yet soon enough they fell into something like a friendship. Peridot learned Lapis liked distraction. She disliked dealing with herself, with her constantly melting limbs and her distorted voice. So they started distracting themselves.

 

They watched the television often. They made art. They told jokes and stories and predictions of the future.

 

Peridot grew attached to Lapis. She had been what she had initially wanted, a distraction from the silence, but so much more.

 

She liked to think Lapis was attached to her as well. She was Lapis’s escape, Lapis’s distraction from her deteriorating body and memories of the past. They were good for one another. They were perfect for one another.

 

Lapis was funny, and kind, and pretty, and Peridot felt her abdomen tumble with excitement when they talked. She wanted to spend all of her time with Lapis. She rambled about her endlessly, and her other friends has some insight on that rambling.

 

Garnet call it infatuation. Amethyst laughed at her and called it a ‘big fat crush’. Either way it caused Peridot’s chest to flutter and her stomach to turn.

 

It made it hard to run when Lapis lost control of her form one day.

 

Lapis had been smiling, walking towards Peridot with something to say when suddenly she tripped over her own feet. This was a common occurrence, as Lapis was weak in her state, but when Peridot offered to help her up she let out a deep growl.

 

Peridot jumped back, confused, and she shook off a foot that had gotten coated in the blue water. When she looked away from her foot she noticed with a turn of her stomach just how fast the puddle around Lapis was growing.

 

Lapis’s head snapped up, her eyes had overcome her face. Two large mirrors reflecting Peridot’s horrified face.

 

It was just like the first day she had released Lapis.

 

She felt frozen as Lapis lifted a hands, large drops of her limbs falling to the ground. The ground shook beneath Peridot. She knew what was happening.

 

She tried to move again, but was paralyzed by fear. Had she been less lucky the water hand that crashed down through the barn’s roof would have crushed her.

 

But Steven and the gems had arrived, and pushed her out of the way just in time.

 

Peridot didn’t want to watch them fight her. She felt each attack on Lapis, each spear and each hit of the whip, as if it was happening to her.

 

She called for the gems to stop. They only did when they had completely restrained Lapis.

 

Steven rushed over, spitting on his hands and rubbing the saliva across her face.

 

But this time no glow over took Lapis’s form. She didn’t go back to her half corrupted self. She just let or another large growl, and used a flick of her head to gather more water.

 

Peridot didn’t want to watch as they poofed her. But she was frozen by fear and a deep aching in her chest.

 

The bubble was sent to the temple and a heavy silence overtook the barn.


	3. Day Three- Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmm this one is probably my favorite whoops

It had been 27 years since Peridot had become a crystal gem. At the time being a rebel, a crystal gem had filled her with a giddy excitement. That excitement had yet to disappear even after all this time. While it had dimmed slightly, faded with the passage of time and the knowledge that this was how she had been for years, being a crystal gem was still exhilarating. Her powers had gotten remarkably stronger too, she could manage a dent in an enemy force now. Peridot felt like she had a purpose now that her ‘purpose’ on Homeworld wasn’t repeatedly being jammed into her brain.

It had been 26 years since Lapis had followed suit and become a crystal gem herself. The fight on that day had resulted in both herself and Peridot’s poofing, but when they had both reformed stars were shown proudly on their bodies. Peridot was nearly brought to tears at the sight of Lapis’s star. Or maybe it was just Lapis. Either way that fated day when they had both reformed was a tearfully happy one.

It had been 25 and a three quarters since the diamonds and the crystal gems had entered a reluctant agreement. Peridot refused to call it a ‘peace’. After months of talking, the air tense with the threat of more fighting, Steven had managed to get through to them. Form an agreement on the information that he himself was pink. They came to the terms that diamonds would leave Earth alone in a sort of truce, and the crystal gems wouldn’t ask questions about what the diamonds chose to do on Homeworld or any other planet. The agreement was hardly thrilling to Peridot, but it was close enough. The Earth was safe.

It had been 15 years since Peridot attended her second ever wedding- the wedding of Steven and Connie and 14 years since the couple’s daughter Nora was born. The couple had finally decided to tie things together, and Peridot pulled out her old yellow dress and clogs for the occasion. The wedding was a big event, Steven had made so many friends over the years that the entire town of Beach City seemed to show up. Tears were shed, happy ones Peridot clarified with all parties involved, and shiny rings added to Steven and Connie’s interlocking fingers.

Within months Connie fell ‘pregnant’. Peridot herself had limited knowledge on this subject. Found the idea of Earth reproduction uncomfortable and icky. The gems, minus Lapis and Peridot, were in a panic at first- what would happen to Steven? But after a moments of clarifying the fears were gone. After all Steven was not the one who was pregnant. After that moment of panic Connie’s pregnancy was an exciting event. The gems dotted over her, sharing more stories than usual about baby Steven. Peridot took the opportunity to study, asking questions and listening with a small metal stethoscope to the baby's heartbeat. When the baby was finally born Peridot had found stars in her eyes as the tiny infant grabbed onto one of her fingers in her fist. Lapis snorted behind her as Peridot held the baby, and Peridot found her cheeks flushing a dark shade of teal.

However, the most important milestone for Peridot happened 10 years ago. She had been sitting in the rebuilt barn working on some project. At the time it had seemed a matter of life and death, consuming all of her time and focus. She had not heard Lapis enter from behind and sit down to watch her work until the sun went down. When Peridot finally stopped to take a break she was startled by Lapis’s prescience, jumping up with a squeal. Lapis merely giggled, taking her hand and flying the two of them up to the roof. They sat and stargazed, something the pair had a regular habit of doing. Peridot told the stories of the human constellations again, Lapis invented new ones. After a while the pair fell into a silence, Peridot wasn’t sure why but she could feel tension radiating off of Lapis. By the time Lapis finally did talk Peridot felt her own nerves festering.

“Peridot,” she had whispered, voice so soft it was almost hard to hear.

Peridot let out a nervous breath, “Yeah?” She asked, turning to look into Lapis’s face. It was a deep blue, flushed as she stared at the green gem with wide eyes.

“I love you,” Lapis let out, voice still a whisper.

Peridot’s heart would have skipped a beat had she had one.

After minutes of stuttering and hours of heartfelt conversation Peridot got her first kiss, her hands buried in Lapis’s soft hair and Lapis’s hands rubbing circles into her hips. Peridot decided she wanted to live in that moment for the rest of her life.

Peridot’s wish was not granted, but luckily for her Lapis and herself fell into a new kind of relationship. The years in which Peridot and Lapis we’re together like this had were the best of Peridot’s life. Never before had she felt so happy and full of life. Their new barn on the beach was so full of love and joy that Peridot could not remember her old life. All that she knew was Lapis and what it felt like to hold her. They had begun to start over, Peridot felt like a new gem.

However this happiness did not last.

It had been 1 one year since Lapis had been shattered. 1 year since Peridot’s entire world came to a stuttering halt.

There had been another fight with the diamonds. A rebel group unknown to the crystal gems started fighting back on one of Yellow Diamond’s colonies. Despite honest claims of having no contact with these gems and no prior knowledge of the rebellion Yellow and Blue attacked. It took almost a full day of fighting and Lapis’s shattering for Steven to finally break through to them that they had no idea.

The Diamonds left. Too proud to apologize for the mistake and too used to the shattering of gems to feel bad about what they had done. They left with little words and when the ships were long gone the remaining crystal gems stood in a heavy silence.

Peridot was the first to move, turning her back to the sky and walking across the sandy beach to where the shards of Lapis Lazuli lay in the sand, the deep cobalt splintered into pieces.

Peridot took a shaky breath. No. This couldn’t be real. She would wake up soon, in the hammock with Lapis’s comforting hands on her hips. She would wake up and laugh, give Lapis a deep kiss and tell her how much she loved her. This couldn’t be real. The world could not be this cruel after Peridot had finally begun to feel how great life really was.

She pinched her inner arms, staring down at the deep blue pieces. Growing frantic after each added pinch did not wake her.

A pitiful sob escaped her chest after a moment, and she fell forwards into the sand. She blindly grabbed at the pieces, holding them in her hands and squeezing them tightly. No. This couldn’t be real.

She felt like it was her who had been shattered, a deep physical pain taking hold behind her chest and inside of her gem. It throbbed, worsened as Peridot ran her hands over the splintered rock of Lapis’s gem. She felt like she was coming undone, the pain bright hot and harrowing. But she couldn’t bring herself to let go of the pieces. She felt a deep urge to protect them, keep them close to her and away from harm. With another wave of pain her brain told her that protecting the shards wouldn’t do any good. The damage was done.

Steven ran up behind her after what felt like years of sobbing. He lifted her body from the sand, using a soft chubby finger to brush sand off of her face where it had stuck to her tears. The touch brought another wave of pain to Peridot’s body. She desperately wanted Lapis’s touch as a comfort.

Steven slowly reached for Peridot’s hands, using his superior strength to unfurl the tight little fists to reveal the shards Peridot had picked up. He took them into his own hands, slowly dusting off the sand that dirtied them.

Peridot fought the urge to steal them back from him. She knew he was just trying to help but she once again felt the need to protect what was left of Lapis.

Steven let out a shaky breath, and Peridot watched through blurry eyes as he spat into his hands, running the shards across the saliva. Peridot held her breath, trying her best to be hopeful, although she was fairly certain nothing would happen.

She was right. It didn’t happen. A few seconds passed, feeling like an eternity, but no soft glow encompassed the shards. Lapis was too broken for the healing powers to do anything. Peridot felt like she was going to splinter apart, the pain in her gem and chest growing stronger.

“Please,” she whispered to herself, watching hopelessly as Steven tried again, spitting once more into his hands, this time directly on to the gem shards.

After another long moment Garnet approached the two from behind, placing a hand onto Steven’s shoulders. Steven let out a chocked breath, his heavy shoulders bouncing as he did so.

“No,” he said, voice cracking as he spat again. Nothing happened.

Connie came up next, rushing to her husband. She herself had begun to cry, and she hugged Steven tightly from behind as he himself broke down.

Peridot scrambled over, head spinning at the sight of the lovers embracing. She pushed Steven slightly over, picking up Lapis’s pieces which he had dropped them back on to the sand.

Garnet moved from Steven as Peridot did so. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could get out a word Peridot darted away, clutching the pieces to her chest as she continued to cry.

She ran into the barn, shoving the heavy door closed behind her. Pumpkin barked at her cheerily as she entered, and soft footsteps began approaching her.

Nora came out from behind the couch, a somber look on her face.

“What happened?” She asked, voice shaky. Peridot frowned, angry at herself for forgetting they had brought Nora and Pumpkin here to escape the fight. To save themselves from the horror of what he diamonds would do.

Nora took another step towards Peridot, hand outstretched and mouth quivering.

Peridot took a heavy breath, “Your parents need you outside,” she said, voice wavering through her tears.

Nora stood still for a moment, before awkwardly shuffling out of the barn. When the door closed behind her Peridot let herself fall to the ground. Pumpkin laid down beside her, whimpering softly. Steven entered wordlessly a few hours later, and softly laid a few more tiny blue shards down in front of her before leaving.

Peridot stayed like that for a number of days. The gems came to check on her periodically. Usually it was Steven who entered, and he would sit by Peridot and rub her back while she cried for an hour or so before leaving again without any words.

No one knew what to say to her. And when Peridot finally mustered the strength to get up from her spot on the floor, bubble Lapis’s shards, and walk outside with the bubble held tightly to her chest they all stared at her, uncomfortable.

It was Steven who finally spoke, after practically a full minute of wordless staring.

“How are you feeling?”

Peridot couldn’t even get a word out before she started crying again.

Peridot shook her head, trying to shake off the memories that danced across her mind as she ran a hand across the smooth green bubble.

The year since Lapis has been shattered went by harrowingly slow. Peridot’s chest and gem were still filled with a consistent ache but eventually to a somewhat lesser extent. She could bear parting with the bubble from time to time to go out on a mission or adventure to take her mind off of Lapis. She could bear being in the presence of Steven and Connie again.

The gems were still tiptoeing around her, all to varying extents. Peridot wasn’t sure if things could ever be the same again.

Steven was the most helpful. He would sit with Peridot on the worse days, rub her back as she sobbed into her fists. He gave her a word for the ever present hurt in her body- heartbreak. He assured her it would lessen and someday disappear. Peridot doubted that.

On that day. Exactly one year since that horrible terrible day Steven spent all of his time with Peridot. They sat in the barn, Peridot hugging onto the bubble as they did so.

“You’ll be okay,” he promised her, whispering into the open air of the barn.

Peridot huffed, tears threatening to spill, “It doesn’t feel like it,”

Steven gave her a sad little smile, “I know,”

With that he pulled the little gem closer, wrapping one arm around her to rub at her side.

Peridot’s ache lessen for a split moment to let her enjoy the comfort of her friend. Lapis’s shards sparkled in the dim light.


	4. Day Four- Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In an AU where Lapis is captured by Homeworld soldiers while she is on the moon.

Lapis had been unprepared. Sitting in the moon base and watching Peridot garden had been a distraction. A rather large one apparently.

She hadn’t noticed when a ship landed on the moon, stopping only because the gem in charge noticed something unusual on it- the barn. She hadn’t noticed when two quartz soldiers entered the moon base, spotting her and quickly approaching. She only noticed something was happening when she was grabbed, startled into turning the projection off. Only then did she see the two gems grabbing her arms and pulling her backwards.

She began to summon a water hand, using the water she had brought with her to carry the barn. Before she could do much more than form the limb, however, one of the quartz pulled out a destabilized and poofed her with it.

When Lapis reformed she was in a cell much like the one she had been held in when Peridot had been bringing her back to Earth as her informant. Small, cold, empty. The destabilizing barrier glowing a bright yellow in her face.

Lapis squeezed her eyes shut, scolding herself. This is why she had left the Earth in her first place. And now it was happening because she had been too frightened to leave without a way to check in on Peridot. How foolish she had been.

It was an Aquamarine who ran the ship. The tiny gem flew to her cell one day, speaking to her through the barrier of her cell.

She demanded information on the crystal gems. Insisted that Lapis was a part of them and instructed her to supply her with her knowledge on their location and plans.

Lapis was quick to open her mouth to speak, ready to sacrifice the gems if it could mean her possible freedom. Before she could get a word out, however, she was reminded of Peridot and Steven. The thought of being responsible for their possible capture by Homeworld was enough for her to shut her mouth again. The Aquamarine didn’t appreciate this. Lapis was destabilized for a second time.

The next time Lapis reformed she was in a metal room, cold and dark.

Before she could properly look around she realized she was restrained to a table. She felt herself beginning to panic and she tried her best to move, summon a water hand, flap her wings, anything she could do that could possibly free her. Yet she was held still, with no room to flap her wings and no water to summon anywhere that she could sense.

She tried to calm herself as a screen lit up overhead. A video she had faint memories of began to play.

Lapis didn’t realize what the video was until she had watched it loop multiple times. A faint memory reminded her it was shown to her and three other Lapis Lazulis freshly after they had emerged. It was a conditioning video. Lapis watched as several other Lapis’ used their powers to terraform a planet. Blue Diamond smiled in the background.

**

Lapis was not sure how long it had been. Maybe it was years. Maybe it was only hours. Regardless when she was freed from the table she was unsure as to why she had been brought there in the first place. She couldn’t remember much of anything, actually. Nothing but a certain video and a few key messages.

**

Lapis learned in a few days time she was a test. One of the first gems to be reprogramed and reconditioned. She was told that she had been a massive success. While she was to be monitored constantly for the following hundred years she was to be set to work again within a matter of only a few days.

She was thrilled. She was ready to prove to her diamond that she was no longer the traitor she had been told she once was. She was loyal to the glorious Blue Diamond and she would stay that way until the day she was shattered.

She was told her first job would be to join a small team of quartz soldiers to the planet Earth. She would terraform after they conquered. Lapis agreed, ready to prove herself again. She did not notice the smirks on her superiors’ faces as they gave her the order, not that she would have understood it had she noticed.

At least one quartz was to be with her at all times in the ship. They took notes on her behavior and reported them to the team of technicians in charge of the reprogramming team. She was continuously told how successful she had been. How lucky she was to be allowed to serve Blue Diamond again after she had betrayed her.

Lapis told herself that this Earth mission would prove her worth once and for all. While she could not remember her prior actions the constant reminder was somewhat painful to her. The words often echoed in the background of her mind. Her? A traitor? She could hardly believe it. Not after realizing how strongly she felt her devotion to Blue Diamond.

The words that her monitoring quartz soldiers often told her continued to bring a ache-y feeling to her chest. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the information that she had once betrayed her Diamond or something else entirely. Either way it made her crave something she couldn’t name. She pushed this feeling off as wanting to prove herself again, even though she was fairly certain that wasn’t what it really was.

**

The day before they were to land on Earth a report came in from Blue Diamond herself. A group of rebel gems had been discovered on the planet Earth. They had left Homeworld and taken refuge on the planet in an attempt at freedom. It was the duty for every gem on board to capture these gems for reconditioning. Lapis Lazuli included.

Lapis was thrilled for the added chance to prove herself. The tugging in her chest deepening at this information. She sat impatiently as they approached the Earth.

She would stare out the window as they approached. Watching the stars pass by and the floating ball of blue and green get closer and closer. Lapis felt a new odd tug in her chest as they approached it. Why was this place so familiar? Lapis tried to shake off these feelings. The last thing she needed was to be distracted when she was this close to proving herself to the diamonds again.

When the ship finally landed Lapis was the first to exit. She flew out onto the beach where they had stopped and prepared herself.

Waiting for her upon her exit was a group of gems. They had summoned weapons, and were posed to fight. They were an odd group, a pearl, a fusion, a deformed quartz, an era two Peridot, and something else entirely. Lapis had a strange feeling of remembrance upon seeing them, the tug in her chest increasing tenfold upon seeing them. It worse all the more at the sight of the Peridot.

What was happening to her?

After a brief moment where the groups of gems and Lapis merely started at one another one of the rebels spoke up. The Peridot.

“Lapis!” She cried and she began to run forward. Lapis felt another harsh tug in her chest as the gem ran towards her. The word Peridot echoed repeatedly in her head. She wanted to go to this gem. Hug her. Apologize for something she was unaware of.

She shook her head. Now was not the time to let her strange feelings over power her.

Lapis summoned a water hand, using the vast ocean behind her to create a weapon of her own.

“Peridot! Wait!” One of the other gems called.

The Peridot halted in her tracks.

“Lapis?” She asked, eyes wide and concerned. Lapis again felt the tug behind her chest. She was overwhelmed by a feeling of deep sadness seeing this gem scared of her. What was happening to her?

“Somethings wrong with her,” Another of the group called. Lapis took a glance at it, recognizing it to be the one that was not a gem. It looked up at her with a frown, holding the shield in its hand a little tighter.

Lapis felt a need to be with these gems, although she could not be sure why. She reminded herself that they were traitors to their Homeworld. That she was here to fight them. Her feelings were useless to her now. She had to fight.

The quartz soldiers behind her barking at her to fight were an ever present reminder of that.

She shook her head, repeating to herself that now was not the time to ponder over what this strange feeling was. This was her test, was it not? And she was ready to prove herself to Blue Diamond. Willing to prove herself. Needing to prove herself.

She took the water hand and slammed it down onto the beach, onto the Peridot. The gem poofed at the force of it and Lapis covered the deep pain she felt in her chest with a snicker, shaking off her emotions to focus on her task. At least one good thing came from poofing this gem she felt some strange feelings toward. The knowledge that this was going to be far easier than she had anticipated.

The gems on the beach cried out to the Peridot, one of them rushing over towards her. Lapis took the opportunity to move onto her. She brought the arm down again, onto the small purple quartz that scattered across the beach. It took a bit more energy from Lapis this time, but before long she had been poofed as well.

Lapis dogged the spear that was thrown in her direction. And then the next.

Lapis got ready to attack the gem throwing the spears at her, but was distracted when an oddly familiar voice began to call or to her.

“Lapis Lazuli!” It called. Lapis looked down, it was coming from the nongem.

“I know this isn’t you!” He screamed, “You wouldn’t hurt the gems like this! Try to remember who we are!”

Lapis stoped. Try to remember? Lapis allowed herself to take notice of the tug in her chest once more. Was that what that feeling was? Her trying to remember something?

A quartz soldier yelled at her from behind, destabilizer held boldly in one of her hands.

“Stop listening to them! Don’t you want to serve your diamond again?”

Lapis shook her head again, flying down quickly to the beach.

The boy rushed over to her, somewhere the voice Steven echoed in her mind.

“Steven?” She asked, unsure of herself. The quartz soldiers began rushing out of the ship.

“It’s me Lapis. What did they do to you?”

Lapis shook her head, her thoughts were jumbled and her brain was fuzzy. How did she know these gems?

She took a look back at the quartz soldiers. One of the gems, the fusion, rushed towards them. Garnet, her mind supplied to her. The other gem, Pearl, went chasing after.

As Lapis watched them fight an ever present fact she was told was repeated in her brain. She had been reconditioned because she was a rebel. That’s how she knew these gems. That’s why they had sent her here to destroy them.

Memory after memory passed through her brain, all coming back at once.

“Steven,” she repeated, confidence rising in her voice.

“Yeah?” He asked, eyes full of hope.

“Put Peridot and Amethyst somewhere safe. I’ve got some quartz soldiers to deal with,”

Steven smiled wide, and ran off to pick up the two gems that lay softly on the beach. Lapis turned around, summoning another water hand.

Maybe she wouldn’t be proving herself to Blue Diamond, but she was sure fighting off these gems and coming back home would be enough to prove herself to the crystal gems.


	5. Day Five- Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read somewhere that you aren’t supposed to get Lapis Lazuli stones wet. I’m not sure how true that is but, eh this was what I wrote

It was said on Homeworld that a Lapis Lazuli should never be fully submerged in water. They would corrode, breakdown, gain little streaks of pyrite along the edges of their gem deeming them unfit to serve.

 

But Lapis Lazulis were stubborn and despite their training and all the superiors in the universe to tell them otherwise their affinity for water often lead them into bodies of the liquid without much thought. It was no use trying to tell them otherwise, they were defiant and used their rarity and importance to their advantage. Trying to tell one to stop because of Homeworld’s rules and reports would only edge them on further, and they had a way with words that would embarrass a gem of any type. Peridot had learned this fact the hard way when she encountered her first Lapis Lazuli shortly after she had emerged and been sent into the workforce from training. Besides, a Lapis Lazuli would argue, I’ve done this plenty before and I’ve always been fine. Besides, a Lapis Lazuli would say, you’re too empty headed to recognize my superiority.

 

This situation had created a problem on Homeworld. While at first the Lapis Lazulis were right, and the exposure to water had no effect on them, prolonged exposure to being submerged in water had caused a great deal of them to do just as Homeworld said they would- breakdown.

 

Many of Homeworld’s Lapis Lazulis were becoming unstable. Be it randomly poofing and emerging with hairline fissures splitting across their gems or experiencing dramatic emotional breakdowns and mood swings the Lapis Lazuli cast has become unstable in their affinity for submerging themselves repeatedly and defying the superiors who tried so hard to stop them from doing so.

 

But even those gems were only submerged for brief periods of time. The Lapis Lazuli Peridot knew and lived with had not only experienced great pain _before_ she submerged herself but she had forced herself under the sea for _months_.

 

Peridot had realized this fact one day while she watched Lapis stare blankly into their smaller than average lake.

 

Things started clicking in Peridot’s head. This was why Lapis was so moody, so erratic and unpredictable. She was corroding. Breaking down at the seems.

 

At first this information was exhilarating to Peridot. Well, maybe not the information itself. The fact that she had figured out the problem with her roommate all on her own was exciting, and did a little to inflate her already large ego. She truly was a genius gem. Homeworld would be sorry to part with her.

 

It only took Peridot ten minutes of loudly gloating about her intellect to an unamused and uninterested roommate for her to realize the connotations or what she had discovered.

 

She stopped mid rant, moth falling open as she realized what it was in fact she had discovered.

 

Lapis raised an eyebrow, “You good there, Pipsqueak?”

 

“Lapis! You’re falling ap- Excuse me what did you just call me,”

 

All she got in response was a half hearted puff of air blown out of Lapis’s nose. The dullest form of a laugh there was.

 

Peridot shook her head, there were more important matters to attend to than an insulting name.

 

“Lazuli!” She squawked, “I have come to the conclusion that your prolonged exposure to submergence in water has made you unstable!”

 

Lapis shook her head, another weak puff of air coming from her.

 

“Don’t you know that’s just a myth? Lapis Lazuli’s are fine in water. It would be stupid if we weren’t,”

 

Peridot shook her head madly, “No! I’ve seen it myself! The Lazuli’s fall apart. Emotional breakdowns. Random hairline fissures appearing out of nowhere. It’ll happen to you too. Already is if you ask me,”

 

Peridot had been pacing as she spoke, a hand outstretched as if she were a teacher who was too invested in their subject matter.

 

Lapis rolled her eyes.

 

“As if,”

 

**

 

The dismissal of Lapis was frustrating to Peridot. She wished to tell Lapis that she was coming from a place of genuine concern, ‘I care about you and don’t want you to be hurt’ she had tried to tell Lapis. However the words never came out. Instead she sat next to Lapis, opened her mouth to speak, and was started into silence by a fleck of sparkly gold resting on Lapis’s cheek.

 

“Do you have something on your face?” She instead asked, trying to rub off the speck herself when Lapis did nothing but stare at her.

 

Lapis shoved her off, frustrated at having Peridot’s fingers in her face. Peridot made her way to leave, but only before noting that the gold piece was still firmly attached to Lapis’s face. She felt a bubble of anxiety well up in her chest.

 

**

 

Within a matter of weeks good freckles of pyrite had begun to appear all over Lapis’s body and gem. Peridot had worked herself into a panic, even more so when Steven’s healing spit did nothing to remove or lessen the appearance of more.

 

Lapis had been playing it cool, she was fine. Perhaps she was just old? She ignored the arguments from Peridot that gems didn’t age with the wave of a gold splattered hand.

 

Peridot had worked herself up to tears about it a few times. Lapis was going to fall apart and she wouldn’t even acknowledge it. The loop of upset would only worsen from there.

 

She didn’t want Lapis to die. They had just started to become friends. They were happy together, Lapis made Peridot laugh even if she wasn’t sure why. They shared a favorite show, an affinity for making impractical sculptures. Lapis made Peridot happy. Made it feel like life on Earth was really worth fighting for. After all, it was the planet that brought her and Lapis together.

 

Peridot trying to break the news through to Lapis put a strain in their relationship. Lapis was standoffish. She wanted Peridot to leave her alone and would snap at her when she tried to talk to her. She had yelled at her once. Told Peridot she didn’t want to talk about something that wasn’t happening. Peridot had hid behind the couch and cried.

 

When Lapis had come to apologize to Peridot, Peridot had weeped softly into her chest, reveling in the way that Lapis’s hands wrapped around her body.

 

“I just want to help you,” she spoke through her tears, “I don’t want to loose you,”

 

Lapis had rubbed circles into Peridot’s back, taking a heavy breath before speaking.

 

“I know,”

 

**

 

It was not until late one night that Lapis finally admitted her knowledge to Peridot.

 

“I know I’m not just old,” she said somberly, voice standing out against the episode of Camp Pining Hearts that neither gem was really watching.

 

“I didn’t want to scare you,” she continued.

 

Peridot picked up the remote, silencing the noise to look into Lapis’s newly freckled face.

 

Peridot whimpered, trying again to brush off one of the gold freckles on Lapis’s arm. She forced back tears as she tried to say anything. Lapis’s acknowledgement had not brought her relief like she thought it would. It only made the situation all the more real.

 

“Are you okay?” She eventually asked, not sure of anything else to say. Her voice was wavering as she looked up into Lapis’s eyes.

 

Lapis laughed, a real laugh ending in her signature snort, “Not really,”

 

Peridot felt the words cut through her heart, a deep ache that settled in her chest as Lapis’s laughs turned into small little whimpers.

 

At the sound Peridot lost what little control over her emotions she had, pulling Lapis close and crying into her chest. Lapis herself pushed into Peridot, tearfully resting her chin atop Peridot’s head.

 

After a long moment of time the two gems calmed down. Peridot rubbed at Lapis’s arms as she pulled away.

 

“What’s going to happen to you?” She asked, voice barley a whisper.

 

“I don’t know,” Lapis whispered back, “The only other Lapis I’ve seen get this bad was taken away before anything else could happen,”

 

Peridot bit her lip, pushing back another wave of tears.

 

“Peridot?” Lapis asked. Peridot looked up to meet her eyes, the deep blue having lovingly down at her. She nodded, waiting for a response.

 

“Can I kiss you?” She asked.

 

**

 

The next months were hell. Peridot and Lapis’s new relationship could hardly be properly enjoyed as Lapis continued to deteriorate.

 

Before long she was much more gold than blue, her skin and gem overcome with patches of pyrite that swallowed the deep blues of her old self. Her emotional state worsened, leading her into constant breakdowns that lasted for hours.

 

It was only a matter of time before Peridot noticed a hairline fissure on the surface of her gem.

 

When a panicked phone call and Steven’s healing saliva did nothing Peridot herself broke down. She cried as she ran to hide behind the couch, barley registering the two gems talking behind her. She was going to loose Lapis. She was going to die and Peridot was going to be lonely and hurting with no one to properly comfort her. It wasn’t fair.

 

After a long moment Lapis came over to Peridot, running a hand across her back.

 

“I’m alright right now,” she said.

 

Peridot sat up, wiping her eyes before leaning into Lapis for a hug. The touch was comforting, even if Peridot’s brain loudly told her it was unlikely she would be able to get these hugs for much longer.

 

“Are you going to shatter?” She asked, voice shaky as she tried to ground herself. She so badly wanted Lapis to say no, even if she knew it wasn’t an honest answer.

 

Lapis herself took a shaky breath before she spoke, whispering as she did and burying her face into Peridot’s hair.

 

“I’m not sure,”


	6. Day Six- Hallucinations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is my other favorite of the week! It was initially a loooot darker but changing the end made me really really like this one

Lapis had been there. Standing uselessly on the beach watching. Peridot assured her she could handle it. Lapis had nodded softly, trusting the green gem she had grown to love so dearly with the corrupted monster on he beach.

 

The rest of the gems were out. Something about wedding rings and proposals brought up by Steven resulting in the main trio to follow him into town. Pearl had sobbed into Lapis’s arms, “He’s not my baby anymore”, as Lapis watched Steven blush, his bulky body not quite matching the body language. He still acted as he did as a child.

 

The gem monster had come out of the ocean. Lapis and Peridot being the only two crystal gems in the beach sprang into action. Lapis had insisted they fight together, but Peridot wanted to try on her own. Just for a little while. If she needed help she would ask.

 

Lapis had agreed.

 

It was the worst decision off her life.

 

The gem was too large, too strong for Peridot. The metal rod she threw in its direction barley piercing the skin. When Peridot tried to withdraw the weapon only to fail Lapis had summoned a water arm. Peridot has barked at her to stop.

 

Lapis had listened, watching anxiously as the large gem monster quickly approached Peridot. In a matter of moments it had stomped on her, and Lapis listened in horror to the resulting crack she had heard.

 

She tried to shake the sound from mind, summoning a hand from the ocean much larger than she normally would to fight the gem. She fought in a blind rage, this was the gem who had hurt Peridot.

 

In a matter of minutes the gem monster poofed, and Lapis flew down to where Peridot had been before.

 

The sight wasn’t pleasant.

 

Lapis had little memories of the rest of that day. She faintly remembered walking over to the gem monster and using the force of the ocean to shatter it. She faintly remembered walking back over to Peridot’s shards and sobbing until the rest of the crystal gems came back. 

 

**

 

The barn was empty. Lapis knew that. Steven had wanted her to stay with them for a while, so he could help her and she could help them. They were all a bit shaken up. Some more than others.

 

But Lapis needed time alone. She needed her space. She needed to process what had happened on the beach.

 

She had been sitting on the hammock, holding the bubble of Peridot’s shards closely to her chest and staring at nothing. She had tried to sleep but couldn’t and trying to work on projects only made her feel worse. So she sat aimlessly staring at the corner.

 

When she first saw it she thought she had fallen asleep after all. That could be the only explanation.

 

She pinched her inner arm but the image didn’t disappear.

 

At that she flung herself out of the hammock and ran over to the figure now standing in the corner.

 

“Peridot?” She asked, her voice wavering with tears. She watched the green gem, horrified that if she even blinked she would disappear.

 

But there she was, standing in front of Lapis with her goofy wide smile. Lapis found herself laughing, a few tears rolling down her cheeks at the sight of Peridot in the flesh again.

 

“Lapis!” The gem in the corner called, flinging her arms around the taller gem.

 

Lapis let herself hug the gem, crying into the familiar scent of her body.

 

**

 

Lapis woke up with her head pressed against the hard wood of the barn. Upon her waking she shook off her hair and tried to recall why she had fallen asleep in such a strange place.

 

When she remembered what had happened last night she was left with a confusing mix of emotions. Had she dreamt Peridot had come back after all? The deep blue bubble floating softly by her side seemed to hint so.

 

A deep pain hit her chest as she stared at the pieces. You didn’t save her, she reminded herself. You could have saved her.

 

Before she could get too caught up in her thoughts however a voice came from the other side of he barn.

 

“Oh please don’t beat yourself up,” it said, Lapis’s eyes widened and she turned her head to find its source. It sounded an awful lot like-

 

 _Peridot_. There she was again. This time working on a machine, using the screwdriver to connect two pieces of metal.

 

Lapis’s heart beat quickened at the sight.

 

“It was my fault really, I wouldn’t let you help me,” Peridot explained, waving a hand above her as she got up to move, the screwdriver and the two pieces of metal floating shakily behind her.

 

Lapis faltered as Peridot approached her once more, and she felt the beginning of tears again.

 

“Who is in the bubble?” She asked, voice wavering as Peridot sat in front of her, placing a soft hand on her cheek.

 

Peridot shook her head, and grabbed the other side of Lapis’s face. She leaned in, giving Lapis a deep kiss. A tear left Lapis’s eye.

 

I thought I would never see you again.

 

A second voice darted across her mind, Peridot’s.

 

I know.

 

**

 

Lapis wanted to tell the gems about Peridot. She was okay after all! The news was thrilling, Lapis felt her insides light up with the most happiness she had mustered in a long time. She wasn’t dead.

 

But Peridot wasn’t cooperating. She didn’t want to leave the barn, wouldn’t move from her spot where she sat tinkering with more projects.

 

Lapis had huffed, frustrated but she eventually gave it no mind. She could just bring the crystal gems to the barn.

 

When she told them they were thrilled, Steven jumped up and down, giving Lapis a tight hug. Amethyst had laughed, relief reaching her face. Pearl had held back tears, smiling softly at Lapis.

 

The only gem who wasn’t convinced was Garnet, who’s mouth stretched into a thin line across her face at Lapis’s words.

 

When Lapis tried to lead them to the barn Garnet shook her head, “Lapis I think you should stay here,”

 

Lapis was shocked, stopping in her tracks with her brows furrowed.

 

“What? Why? Peridot is at the barn waiting for me!”

 

Garnet shook her head, “We saw her shards. She’s gone,”

 

At her words the liveliness of the beach house faded to silence. The gems looked at each other as they themselves remembered seeing Peridot’s shards.

 

“But I saw her!” Lapis insisted, anxiety bubbling in her chest at the thought of Peridot truly being gone.

 

“I think you were dreaming, Lapis,” Garnet said softly, “I’m sorry,”

 

Lapis ran away after a moment of silence, all the gems staring at her waiting for her to say anything. She was close to tears, and her chest hurt deeply but she believed that she would prove them wrong.

 

Peridot was still alive. She knew it.

 

When she retired to the barn she broke down. It was empty and the gadgets Peridot had been working on were not there either. She sobbed into her knees, holding the bubble she had scooped back up closely to her chest.

 

Steven entered the barn after a few minutes. He was short of breath and his hair was ruffled. He himself had a few streaks of tears on his face.

 

He sat down next to Lapis and out a large hand on her back, rubbing the spots around her gems in a comforting manner.

 

When Lapis finally managed to sit back up her gave her a long hug and a whimpered apology.

 

Lapis asked him to stay. He said he would stay as long as she needed him to.

 

After a few hours he told Lapis about ghosts. Maybe that is what she had seen. Lapis had stared at the bubble somberly.

 

**

 

Steven left after spending two days with Lapis. She was antsy for more time to herself but thanked him for staying regardless.

 

Mere moments after he had exited, closing the door softly and walking towards he nearest warp pad she heard the voice again.

 

“Lapis?” It asked into the barn. Lapis shut her eyes tightly at the sound, trying to remind herself that this wasn’t real, a pang or hurt darting across her chest.

 

“Lapis?” It asked again. Lapis heard footsteps coming up from behind her.

 

She opened her eyes when she felt a touch to her back, just below her gem. She turned around and saw her again. Peridot looking at her with wide eyes.

 

“Are you okay?” She asked, her voice full of love and caring.

 

Lapis chocked back a sob.

 

“No,” she bashfully admitted, letting herself focus on the soft rubbing of her back.

 

“I’m sorry,” Peridot said, her voice a soft whisper.

 

Lapis turned herself fully around, pulling Peridot into a soft hug.

 

“I love you,” she said, burying herself in Peridot’s shoulder, eyes closed.

 

Peridot took a shaky breath, and when Lapis opened her eyes to check on her she was gone. Lapis was hugging the bubble once more, alone in the emptiness of the barn.

 

Lapis and ‘Peridot’ fell into an odd routine. Lapis had now realized that Peridot was not really there. Be it a figure of her imagination or a ghost the second Lapis began to believe it was truly her she would open her eyes to find her gone. The bubble containing what was left of the real Peridot in its place.

 

Lapis wasn’t sure what was happening. Maybe her mind was trying to fill the suffocating silence that filled the country side. Maybe her heart was trying to give her something other than a fragile bubble to pour itself out to. Maybe she had just finally lost the last of her sanity.

 

Either way it was hard to deal with. Steven was getting increasingly worried about her. And Garnet and Pearl were beginning to think she was unfit to be by herself. They decided she should come back and stay at the temple until she started calming down.

 

It was two days before Steven was going to come over to help Lapis move some things to the temple when Peridot started showing up all the more. She told Lapis she missed her. That she loved her. That she was sorry everything had gone wrong.

 

Lapis’s chest ached as she watched Peridot walk around he barn deep in conversation. As much as she knew this wasn’t real it was hard not to believe it was truly her when she did see the green gem.

 

Peridot asked if they could go on a walk. Lapis found herself nodding, taking her hand as Peridot lead them outside. Peridot used to love to go on walks with her. Before she had been shattered.

 

Peridot squeezed her hand as they walked.

 

“I’m okay,” she said, smiling softly, “I’m here,”

 

Lapis let herself believe it, the ache in her chest dulling softly as she squeezed Peridot’s hand back.

 

They walked for hours, talking and laughing. Lapis let herself forget completely about the shards in the bubble. Let herself believe that this was the real Peridot here with her.

 

They eventually reached a cliff, looking over a lake. The world below was tiny, as if Lapis had been flying over it. Peridot squeezed her hand again as they looked over the edge.

 

“I love you,” Peridot’s voice rang out across the land, the swirling waves of the ocean crashing down on the beach below them. Peridot sat with her legs over the edge, Lapis followed suit.

 

“I love you too,” she whispered, heart aching as her brain reminded her that this was not the real Peridot.

 

“I’m sorry for not letting you help me. I was just trying to prove I could do it myself,”

 

Lapis frowned, nodding in response.

 

“I’m not gonna be seeing you anymore. Am I?” She asked, looking back at ‘Peridot’. The green gem stared at her with wide, somber eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

 

Lapis let out a chocked breath, trying to hold back tears. As much as she knew this wasn’t the real Peridot, seeing this vision of her brought brief emotional comfort. The idea of losing even this replication of her was heartbreaking. Lapis so desperately wished she could change the past.

 

The reproduction of Peridot grabbed onto Lapis’s hand, squeezing it tightly. Lapis blinked back tears, squeezing the hand back and letting Peridot pull her to her feet.

 

“Let’s get you home,” Peridot smiled, pressing a soft kiss onto Lapis’s cheek.


	7. Day Seven- Rain

Peridot was proud to admit that she had gotten used to the Earth and its various cycles of weather. Everything from sun to even snow she had seen and she had tackled with some information from Steven and the others.

 

So when it started raining she thought little of it. Especially because she was very busy laying in a pile of her own self pity in Steven’s bathroom where she could not see it.

 

But the claps of thunder were tell tale signs and Peridot groaned, rolling over to hide her face in the blanket that was placed lazily beneath her in the bathtub she had taken residence in.

 

She used her powers to make her music a little bit louder but the claps of thunder still rumbled loudly overhead. She groaned again at the distraction.

 

Before she could even take in a breath to let out another groan the door to the bathroom was softly tapped on before swinging opened. Peridot lifted her head to watch as Steven entered the bathroom, a bashful smile on his face.

 

Peridot was ready to be made to leave, the pair had fallen into a routine in which Peridot understood his apologetic smile was a request for her exit of the bathroom.

 

But as she stepped out of the tub and began walking towards the door he grabbed onto one of her hands, pulling her back towards him lightly.

 

Peridot turned and went back to him.

 

“What?” She asked, indignantly.

 

“Do you want to play in the rain with me and Amethyst?”

 

Peridot looked into his face, “No,”

 

With that she turned back around to head back into the bathtub.

 

“It might cheer you up,” Steven insisted, and Peridot paused in her steps.

 

She let him lead her outside to where Amethyst was already waiting. Splashing in the puddles that formed across the sand.

 

Steven ran down the stairs, Peridot’s hand held tightly in his own. When they reached the bottom Steven ran over to be with Amethyst, laughing as she grabbed his hands and begun spinning the pair in a circle through one of the puddles. Peridot sat down on the bottom step and looked up at the sky, the dark clouds looked over head, making the world around them dark.

 

She let the raindrops fall down her face, making her hair droop and her visor to be blurry to look through. She thought back to the first encounter she had had with rain. How Steven had taught her that it wasn’t something to be frightened of.

 

She looked back down from the sky and held out one of her hands, letting the water pool in it until it overflowed.

 

Watching the water brought back less happy memories.

 

Lapis loved the rain. She liked the loud crash of thunder and the excess amount of water she had access to. She said the storms kept her grounded, brought her back to reality when she wasn’t fully in the moment.

 

Peridot didn’t understand it but she found herself loving the storms too. Because Lapis was happy when it was raining. The two would stand out in the rain and let it ruin their hair and get their feet muddy. Pumpkin would run around them, barking happily and jumping in the muddy puddles.

 

Peridot loved those moments and found herself wishing for the rain whenever she saw dark clouds in the sky overhead. Lapis thought this was silly, and would often mess up Peridot’s hair when she watched her gaze at the sky hoping for the rain.

 

Sometimes Lapis would smile, and pull her outside.

 

“You don’t have to wait,” she would say, gathering water from their makeshift lake to start their own storms.

 

Peridot was never sure if Lapis knew that it wasn’t the rain itself that made thunderstorms so pleasing to her.

 

She found herself biting back tears as she thought back to the happy times with Lapis, letting the water fall from her hand to the ground.

 

Steven must have caught this, because he came rushing over to Peridot, concern shown deeply on his face.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked, voice a whisper.

 

Peridot swallowed, and slowly shook her head.

 

“Are you thinking about her again?”

 

**

 

Lapis’s heart ached as she sat next to the hologram of Peridot on the same step. Watching her like this, upset to the point of tears because of her was so hard.

 

Steven eventually managed to pull Peridot from her spot to dance in the rain. Lapis watched with a halfhearted smile. It was always nice to watch in those few moments where Peridot was smiling.

 

She looked down on herself, watched as the holographic rain fell through her and on to the ground below her. Peridot laughed in front of her, and Lapis’s heart skipped a beat.

 

She watched Peridot dance for a long while, heart aching behind her chest. She tried to convince herself to go home for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She missed this. Missed being with Peridot. Seeing her laugh. If she went back she could fix things.

 

But would Peridot forgive her?

 

Lapis watched the small gem as she spun in a circle, her smile wide as Amethyst picked her up from behind to spin her. Peridot squealed and kicked her legs in laughter.

 

Lapis shook her head. She couldn’t go back. She couldn’t deal with the war. If she knew what was best for her she would have been long gone by now, in some remote area untouched by the diamonds. The very devise she was using to watch Peridot was a testament to how she wasn’t yet properly safe.

 

She frowned, a bubble of pain catching up to her as she took one last glance towards Peridot. Before she could change her mind she walked over to the orb, making the image before her disappear.

 

She flew over to the barn, the memories of Peridot fresh in her mind, and tried to fly as far away from Earth as she could for what felt like the hundredth time since she’d left.

 

She never made it very far.

 

She sat back down again, the cold tile of the floor holding her to reality as she turned the orb back on.

 

Peridot was on one of her famous monologues again, a flustered Pearl trying her best to clean the small gem off. Lapis smiled loosely, the bubble of pain increasing despite herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes this chapter is kind of short and not my best work but I hope you enjoy it anyway!   
> Regardless, the Lapidot angst week was a lot of fun and thank you all for reading! Have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate it a lot!  
> Please leave me a comment letting me know what you think!  
> And have a great day! :)


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